That Darn Tower

Have you ever been reading a good book and suddenly think to yourself, I wish I was the main character. You have, haven’t you? Don’t deny it. I know you’ve done it at least once. Well, I’m here to tell you. STOP! Stop thinking that thought! Making that wish! Stop it now before it’s too late! Or you might be stuck in a stupid tower waiting on a stupid prince while being guarded by a stupid dragon!

“I hate this stupid place! But I hate you stupid princes even more!” I screamed as I pulled on the bars of my window. Oh, yeah, my tower has bars. Probably to prevent me from trying to perform seppuku or something. Like that would ever happen. There’s nothing I hate more than pain, and going splat from this high up seems extremely painful.

“Let me out! I’m too beautiful to be locked up in here!” I actually had my feet on the bars while I pulled. Very monkey like I know.

“It is precisely because you are beautiful that you are locked in here.” the dragon said as he placed his head near my window. Yeah, my dragon talks. Good thing too, or else I may have started to talk to Sesu. My pillow that I drew a face on.

“Oh, don’t you dare try to butter me up. I’m not going to forgive you.” I continued to pull. He was chuckling while he watched me act like a mad lady.

“You know. This tower may be old, but I assure you that is strong enough to hold you in.”

“I just have to believe in myself!”

Three straight minutes of me ‘believing’ left me on the ground struggling to catch my breath. My dragon was trying to hold in his laugh, but he was terrible at it.

“Go on and laugh! I’ll get out of here one day.” I kicked my legs around violently. I was trying my best at throwing a tantrum like two-year-olds do, and I think I was pretty good at it.

“My, my, what a foul mood you are in today. I guess I’ll have to give you this basket another day.”

Basket!

I sat up real proper like and smoothed out my skirt as I said softly, “I mean, it’s not so bad here. You do take good care of me.”

A little too good. I’ve gained ten- no wait, five- no, no, forget it! I was saying anything! He chuckled as if he heard my thoughts and moved away from the window for a moment but quickly returned with a basket between his front teeth. I got to my feet and took it from him as placid as possible.

“How long have I been here now? Like almost a year?”

“Four months, fifteen days, and five hours.”

Only four months! I really was going to lose it being here, but more importantly.

“Five hours? I’m surprised you don’t know the minute.” I was being sarcastic of course. I was thoroughly impressed that he knew such an exact number. Impressed and a little weirded out.

“I am afraid I have no concept of minutes. I just know that when the sun moves this much, you humans say it has been an hour.” He made a small crack in between his claws to express what he meant then pointed to the sky, “I know that the sun was there when I brought you here, and it has moved five spaces since then. I’m sure I remember correctly because it was just moments before it was center in the sky, and I was in a hurry to get you in here and settled before then. Lest I succumb to bad luck.”

“Bad luck? Dragons are superstitious?” I paused my food putting away-ing to look back at him. A rough sound was made as one of his claws scratched his scaly chin.

“I suppose we are. Specifically, when it comes to our treasures.”

Have you ever seen a dragon looking awkward? No, well, let me tell you it is sort of hilarious. Here he was this giant man-eating monster looking socially awkward. I couldn’t help but laugh. He watched me with his shiny golden eyes. I remember when I first saw those eyes. Even through all my fear and hysteria, I could tell they carried such a timid softness. That reminds me. I should probably tell you how I got here in the first place. It’s really not all the interesting, and I was in the middle of a conversation… I’ll tell you later. I went to my work of putting away the basket and asked.

“Why are all dragons obsessed with treasure, anyways?”

“While I do not care for the term ‘obsessed’, I used to often wonder the same thing. It has always been a long-standing tradition of my kind to find and hoard the most beautiful treasure that we can find.”

“I don’t like the word ‘hoard.’ It makes me feel like a jar of honey or something.” Yes, I know that was an odd comparison, but for some reason when I think of hoarding, I always think of bears and honey. Also, yes, I am ignoring the fact he just called me the most beautiful treasure. I mean, like, that’s really flattering, and I am not about to be flattered by a 100-foot man-eating, woman snatcher.

“Then I shall change it. We find and guard our treasure until our dying breath.”

“I guess that’s better, but you haven’t told me why yet.”

“Like I just mentioned, I too wondered why for a very long time. I often thought it was silly how fitful my fellows became when someone or some thing came to close to their treasure. How they feared losing that treasure more than anything. That was until I met you. Then everything became clear.”

Dang, this guy was good. I mean, like, I’m not into, you know, talking animals, but wow. He knows how to make a girl feel special, but I ain’t about to fall for that. I know it’s all a scheme. He’s just trying to get me to want to stay, but these four walls will never be cozy to me no matter how pretty his words were.

“Hey, something just occurred to me. Where do you even get this basket?” I said in a successful attempt to change the subject smoothly, “Are these like ritual baskets that the villages make to you, so you don’t eat them?”

“No, I eat those.”

Was that a joke? Because I was joking.

“A small human gathers them for me.”

“Oh, really? Why?”

“Because they don’t welcome dragons at the local market.”

“No, not-ugh“ I resisted the urge to slam my face into the wall. I really couldn’t with his jokes. I regained my composure and muttered through my teeth, “Why would a human help you?”

“Humans have a tendency to listen when a dragon speaks less they be no more.”

“Yeah, I suppose that’s-”

Wait, what was this?

I had reached the bottom of the basket, but…I looked around. Closed and opened it again. Pulled the cloth out,
but no, I wasn’t mistaken. I really had reached the bottom.

“What are you looking for?”

“Oh, nothing. I guess… I was just sort of hoping that…oh never mind.” I closed the basket and handed it back to him visibly disappointed.

“Did the human disappoint you? Should I eat him next time I see him?”

“Yes- I mean no! Don’t eat anyone. You might get sick eating the wrong person. You know not everyone bathes
as much as I do.” And yes, I realize now that I should probably be more worried about the people he was eating rather than their hygiene, but you know, dragons got to eat too I suppose.

He was chuckling again.

“Speaking of baths. I think I’ll take one,” I declared trying to ignore the fact he was making fun of me again, “So, if you don’t mind, could you please fetch me some water.”

“I really feel like I’m the prisoner sometimes.”

“I am not a prisoner remember? I’m a treasure.”

He laughed once more and retreated to the river. I pushed the bathtub, also known as a very large bucket, to the window and waited. He returned with a bucket of about the equivalent size between his teeth filled to the brim with water. With a huge splash about half of the water made it into my bucket and the other was left for me to mop up. The process was repeated until I had my very own full bucket of water. Someone with no sense may be content now, but I was not getting ready to take an ice bath.

“Nice and steamy today please.”

He laughed like he always did then breathed over the water, and like always, he made it WAY too hot. Which was the reason why I always asked him to heat up the water after it was in the bucket. Hot water is no joke!

“Thank you.”

I finished mopping up and pulling my next pair of clothes out while it cooled.

“Alright, Mister Dragon, I’ll see you later.” I waved goodbye to him as I pulled my makeshift curtains closed.

“I’ll see you later, Miss Treasure.”

I submerged myself into the water and promptly fell asleep. Some people have to pee when they feel warm water. Me, it makes me super sleepy! It’s like magic. I’ll be wide awake, but as soon as I hit that nice hot water, I’m out. It basically sucks. In the end, I always take a cold bath. I could ask the dragon to warm the water back up, but if I did, I probably fall back asleep again anyways. So, one hot nap and cold bath later, I emerged refreshed, but somehow not complete. I had a hole in my stomach. A cherry and guava fruit pie shaped hole, but alas there was none this time around. I opened my curtain and there like a blessing straight from heaven sat not one, but two pies on my window seal. I squealed and took them into my arms where they belonged.

“Oh, thank you! You, beautiful human, who made these, but thank you more you beautiful human who brought them to me!”

I glanced down at the dragon who was trying to look asleep, but I could tell he was chuckling.

If this was like one of those foodie stories, I would be going into such details about the delicacy of that pie that it would start to feel uncomfortable. Luckily, this is not one of those stories. For both of our sakes. Instead, I’ll go ahead and tell you about how I got here while I chew down on way too much pie.

Like I said earlier, it really isn’t too interesting. It didn’t take me long to adjust to my newly pampered life. There’s nothing hard about enjoying good food and shopping sprees. There were the social graces. Those were kind of a pain, but not nearly as big of a pain as the attention. I didn’t grow up being the center of attention, and it turns out I don’t care for it. Now this is going to sound kind of annoying, and believe me I know how much you are going to want to hate me for saying this, but it’s the truth, so I’m going to say it anyways. I was getting real tired of men hitting on me every three seconds. I mean like yeah, I guess I should just be flattered and grateful, but like no. I wasn’t. They didn’t really like me. They just like my looks. I could see in each one of their creeper eyes. Its uncomfortable being treated like eye candy all the time. If one of them, a single one of them actually talked to me like I was an intelligent human being then I would have been flattered, but nope. Well, do to all this unwanted attention, I started spending less time in town. I’m not big on exercise, but the hills near my home were full of beautiful things, so I started spending most of my time there, and up there is where I am guessing I caught the attention of my captor. I’m assuming this because that’s where I was snatched up. Dang, that was scary. One minute, I’m picking flowers and the next I’m in a mouth. Gross! Then I was spit into this place, and here I’ve been ever since. Sure, I was still enjoying good food, but there’s no shopping sprees or flowers to pick. Of course, I say all this while being sprawled out with a belly full of the world’s best pie, freshly bathed in some really nice soaps, and laying on a bed that must have been stolen from the royals, but don’t be fooled by my satisfied sno- slumber! I am most unhappy.

I sat up suddenly. Something woke me up. What that something was exactly I couldn’t remember. Could have been a dream or a noise, but the point is I’m awake now. I got off my bed and opened my curtains. I always kept those closed at night because sleeping under the watchful eyes of a kidnapper wasn’t exactly peaceful. I mean, I don’t actually know if he watched me sleep, but just the thought that he could, kept me from slumberland. I peered through my bars. The dragon slept around the tower. Even in his sleep he was making sure I was safe or trapped. However, you feel like interpreting it. I leaned on the bars and just watched him. I was the greatest treasure he could find? How ridiculous. Sure, I was pretty now, but really?

“It’s just like a line out of a mushy romance book.” I closed my eyes and thought about a poor sentimental little girl who would wish for this sort of thing. Even with my eyes closed, I could tell my words had woken him up.
Stealthy and giant reptiles don’t mix. Which reminds me. I still can’t figure out how he managed to sneak up on
me.

“Is there something the matter?” he asked as he loudly rubbed his eyes.

“Not really. I just woke up all of suddenly for no apparent reason.”

“Perhaps, you have indigestion. You did fall asleep promptly after eating.”

“Yeah, maybe,” I muttered feeling much more listless than usual, “You know. In all the stories I’ve heard and
seen, the damsel always sits on the window seal while she waits to be rescued, but I can’t even do that.”

“That strikes me as extremely dangerous. If you were to fall from that height, you would surely die, and,” He leaned on the other side of the bars, “I do not wish for you to wait for anyone.”

“You mean you don’t wish for me to be rescued.”

“Of course, I wish for that as well, but I meant what I said. When I first brought you here you were so sure someone would come, but as the days passed, I saw your spirits dying. I found that difficult to watch. Do not be mistaken. You still have a lot of spirit, but it has lost a lot of its hope. I don’t want to see you hurting that way anymore. That’s why I do not wish for you to wait for anyone.”

“You have some really pretty words, you know that?” I turned from the window and stretched my arms out, “So pretty in fact that it makes me want to believe them. I don’t of course. It just makes me want to.”

“Why do you suggest I lie?”

“Because believing someone comes from a place of trust, and for some reason I find it hard to trust the voice that comes from the other side of the bars.” I turned back towards him. He was looking at me with those shiny eyes again. Sometimes they seemed so human. It seemed that he couldn’t come up with a reply, so I just gave him a smile as I reached for the curtains.

“I…”

I paused to listen.

“I shall ponder your words.” he said so quietly that it was more likely for him than me as he retracted from the window and returned to his slumber position. I closed the curtain and returned to mine. Hoping that my spirits would return by morning.

They did.

I sat at my table and wrapped my hand around the fork. Finally, it was time. I cut a piece of my pie excitedly.
Yes, I did just say I had my other pie last night following the bath, but this one was just as special. Maybe even more special. Breakfast was the most important meal of the day after all. The dragon had even been kind enough to warm it up for me because hot pie is better than cold pie no matter what anyone else says. I was just about to place the delight into my ready mouth when a loud noise startled me and almost made me drop my precious. It was a sound that almost resembled what I imagined a cannon sounding like. I was just getting ready to ignore it and enter heaven when...

“Brace yourself!” I heard the dragon shout. My defiant self was just about to demand an explanation when everything began to violently shake. Don’t worry. I held onto my pie for dear life. I could feel it. Everything was falling to the left. The tower was falling! While I was still in it! Who in the world had the audacity to even think of doing such a thing! I fell onto the window grateful now for the bars but still in some serious pain. I glanced through the bars and saw the dragon grab hold of the tower preventing it from falling anymore. He was just going to correct my awkward living situation when the cannon sound came again. This time I saw it. A pulse or something. I know I just said I saw it, but I can’t really be sure what it was, okay? Anyways, it hit him right on his wing, and he cried out in pain but did not let go. Thank you, Mister Dragon! Please don’t give up.

“Give up foul beast!” I knew that kind of voice. “I, Prince Sterin, shall vanquish you and claim your treasure as my own.”

Yup, just as I thought, a prince. Well, one had come after all, but did it have to be such a dumb one? Why in the world was he knocking down the tower with the treasure still inside?

“Arpie, hit the beast again.”

I could hear this Arpie person now. He was muttering some sort of incantation. Almost like a magic spell! I looked at the dragon. His eyes were full of concern. There was no way he could fight back or even just dodge the coming attack while he held up the tower. I had to do something. I breathed in as deeply as I could then let it all out with an,

“HEY YOU FREAKEN IDIOTS! YOU’RE GOING TO KILL ME IN HERE!”

“Arpie, wait.”

The incantation stopped, and I took a breath of relief. The dragon did not hesitate. He quickly adjusted himself in a way where he could hold the tower with one hand and with the other, he ripped off the bars from my window. Once again, I was falling with my pie close to my chest. He caught me quickly enough, but it wasn’t a pleasant catching. It wasn’t his rough leathery claws that caught me rather his mouth. HIS MOUTH! YUCK!

“Foul beast! You’ve eaten her!”

Nope, not yet.

“Arpie!”

Dang it. Not again. There was getting ready to be an epic fight, and I was in the middle of it! Luckily, I was lucky. You see, like I said. I’ve been in this mouth before. You know when he captured me in the first place. At that point, I had a very special book with me, and well, it was also the only weapon I had at the time, so I was sort of banging his teeth with it back then, and somehow or another it got stuck in his teeth, and now I am here looking for it. I knew it was still in here because I often saw him picking at his teeth annoyed in the very spot where I had wedged the book. Poor fellow. I would hate that.

“Dragon banishment!” Arpie must have been the one shouting now, and I was still being tossed around in that nasty mouth as the dragon dodged the spell.  I was getting closer, so much closer. Almost...got it!

“Why does the beast not breathe fire?”

Cause I’m in here, you dumb dumbs.

“I don’t suggest you tempt it your majesty. Let’s just take the advantage.” This Arpie had a nice voice when he wasn’t shouting. I opened the book up and stuck my finger into the pie. Why’d I do that? Well, I needed some ink. I began to write.

The dragon tried not to let it show but he was severely weakened by the first attack on his wing, and he was beginning to realize that he might not live past this fight.

Oh, no you don’t, big guy!

It was alright. It was his duty to hoard his treasure to death.

No, no, no. I don’t really know why but I began to sweat profusely. It was my will versus his.

He was in a lot of pain, but then he remembered something. It was a little-known fact that he was allergic to guava. He wasn’t deathly allergic to it, but it did cause him to fall into such a deep sleep that one may mistake it for death.

I grinned and tucked the book into my dress and held up my ruined pie. After saying a silent prayer for its sacrifice and my loss, I heaved it to the back of the dragon’s throat and watched it disappear from view. It only took a few moments before the guava took effect. The dragon fell to the ground, and I hit his teeth, both probably equally as painful, then he was still.

“Did we do it? Is the beast dead?”

Sure, fellows let’s go with that. I pushed open my slimy prison and crawled out. I must have been one nasty sight, maybe even spooky with my hair all in my face and crawling. I bet I looked kind of cool too though.

“My lady, are you the dragon’s treasure?”

“What? Were you expecting more gold?” I pushed the hair from my face and had a good look at them. They were both rather good looking. For some reason, I found that rather surprising for mister heroic here.

“I must say that I was, but I am-”

“Let’s talk about it later.” I interrupted, “Let’s just get out of here as fast as possible. You’ve got a steed or what?”

“As you wish my lady. Arpie, summon the mounts.”

I looked back at my sleeping dragon. I wasn’t sure how long the “allergy” would last, so we needed to hurry.

Please, don’t look for me when you wake up. Find yourself some better treasure and live for a long time with it instead. He was sleeping now, but somehow, I wished he would be chuckling instead.